5 Ways to Start Off Your New Relationship on the Right Foot

So you've met a special someone and have started spending a lot of time together. You're realizing that this attraction and connection is turning into a love relationship. This is exciting news but perhaps a little scary as well. Past relationships may have left you feeling hurt and wary of love and commitment. Or it could be that the sparks you feel with this person are so wonderful you want to make the good feelings last. You don't want to mess up what's starting to look like a great relationship.

Our first recommendation to you if you identify with any of these sentiments, is to relax! If you are in a new relationship, what a fabulous gift to you and this person you are getting to know and opening your heart to. You can start developing habits that will enhance your connection and help start your new relationship off on the right foot.

Have you ever awakened in the morning feeling grumpy and that grumpiness just stays with you the entire day? Perhaps you even explained to a friend that you “got up on the wrong side of the bed.” Similarly, in a new relationship, for various reasons, habits may form in the assumptions you make and the ways you interact with each other. These habits can grow and develop into some huge walls between you and your mate.

No matter how short or long you think this relationship will last, pay attention and take steps that can lead toward connection and deeper love. You might think about it this way: Even if you‘re not with this person for the long-term, you probably will be in a love relationship with another person. Why not make each relationship as great as it can be and enjoy the experience or experiences?

Stay tuned in to yourself and your relationship and experiment with what works to bring you closer to your love. Here are some suggestions to get started....

1.) Be You -- the “Real” You
Unfortunately, insecurity and worries about what other people think can lead us to hide parts of ourselves or hold back on aspects we deem less appealing. This may seem to make attracting a date easier but, ultimately, it’s not going to serve you or this relationship that is forming. Allow yourself to be “real” despite worries that your partner will not approve or like what he or she sees. Chances are, he or she will be more accepting of your perceived faults than you are.

2.) Get Curious about Your Partner's “Real” Self
Now it’s your turn. When this new love lets it all hang out and you get a behind-the-scenes look at him or her, warts and all, stay open and curious. As much as we’d all like to look, act and be perfect, none of us are. In fact, many of our so-called imperfections are what make each of us unique and attractive to a partner. Remember that just as you aren’t defined by only one trait or aspect, so too is this other person complex and multi-faceted. What surprises can you find to appreciate about your new love?

3.) Practice Honesty
As you allow your partner to see the “real” you, you are being honest. Take that practice and expand it out. Instead of assuming that your love doesn’t really need to know about a phone call from your ex in efforts to avoid an argument, be open and communicate even what’s difficult to say. In all likelihood, your honesty now can lessen or even avoid misunderstanding and pain later on.

4.) Stay Present
Nobody knows with 100% certainty how long a relationship will last. Many factors can help determine whether this relationship will last a lifetime or be shorter in duration. Because of this, it is vital that you stay present. Don't worry about whether you will still feel butterflies in your stomach 5 months or even 5 years from now, celebrate that you have found someone who stirs such passion within you. Enjoy each moment of this relationship and allow your feelings in the now to guide the decisions you make.

5.) Have fun!
There tends to be a lightness and even frivolity to new love. An excited sense of discovery is usually alive and well at this point. As you move out of what you might call courtship and into a more committed relationship, keep having fun. You can be real with one another, communicate honestly and with integrity and be present in this moment AND still maintain a sense of fun.

Dating Advice: 15 First-Date Dos and Don'ts

1. DON'T get ahead of yourself.
It's OK to get excited before you go out with someone new, but stay realistic. As pessimistic as this sounds, if your expectations are low, then a good date will be a welcome surprise and a bad date will be no biggie.

2. DO be open to unexpected date ideas.
A homemade meal, PBR, and Guitar Hero might be a better way to get to know each other than the standard restaurant and a movie. Plus, are you really going to ask someone to take you out for filets and the theater in this economy?

3. DON'T go somewhere overflowing with eye candy.
A while ago I took a girl out to brunch at a restaurant that is always brimming with beautiful hipsters. Naturally, there was a Kate Hudson look-alike sitting behind my date, right in my line of vision -- maintaining eye contact with my date has never been more of a struggle.

4. DO bring dental supplies with you.
I once ordered a shredded beef burrito and there was a string of meat stuck in my teeth. I would've excused myself to the bathroom to fix it, but I hadn't brought my floss with me. So I sat there, not listening to him and going crazy. Now I bring mints, gum, spray, floss -- everything. Seriously.

5. DON'T question his height.
You question the 5'10" on his driver's license. Suspend your disbelief. Feel free to store it for something to make fun of later.

6. DO have a positive attitude.
I tried to plan a really neat first date -- something different. So I pick her up, and it's cold out, and the restaurant I was going to take her to is closed. We're in an abandoned area, and it's cold; I'm not looking so good right now. Finally we find a place to eat, except the menu is all in Korean. We point to something and what comes out tastes like rubber chicken. Then, when we get to the bowling alley, it seems like we're the only non-gang members there. But it was an amazing date because she was cool. Her positive attitude dictated how the date would go.

7. DON'T turn your dates into therapy sessions.
My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying boss, or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a second date, Isabel should've asked more questions and done more listening than talking.

8. DO order a big-girl meal.
Do you really think a puny salad will hold you over all night?

9. DON'T psychoanalyze your date.
A guy once got all Freud on me and asked me if I had trouble getting close to men because of my relationship with my father. Totally inappropriate, considering we'd just met.

10. DO call a friend for a pep talk.
If you're suffering from first-date jitters, ring a friend for a few words of encouragement before you meet the guy. Before my first dates, you'd always find me in a cab on the phone with my mom, with her telling me the guy would be crazy not to adore me. Even though she had to say that (she is my mom), a few positive words made me walk into my date with confidence.

11. DON'T get too personal.
One woman on our message boards reminisced about a guy who asked her how many kids she wanted. "I'm hoping for at least one little girl," he added. Sweet... yet a tad premature. Another woman wanted to know if it was normal that a guy asked her about her credit score and credit limit. Yeah, not normal.

12. DO discuss issues that are important to you.
Why wait to find out that the two of you don't see eye to eye on something you feel passionately about?

13. DON'T talk about your ex.
No good can come of this! You'll seem either bitter, heartless, or still hung-up -- and any one of these is a huge turnoff. t

14. DO break the dating rules.
If you want to call him, call -- he'll appreciate it. If you want to make the first move, do it -- why not!

15. DON'T let him take you to a second location if you don't like him.
Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar, and another, when really I just want to go home and read. It's better for both of you if you just speak up.

Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship

Breaking up is hard to do, and there are many questions to ask before ending a relationship. Put your emotions aside for a moment and consider the long term consequences of ending an important relationship. You will be more likely to be content with your choice if you know that you made a thoughtful and deliberate decision. Taking time to make a well thought out choice is always preferable to finding yourself regretting a rash decision made in the heat of the moment.

Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship

Questioning yourself, the situation, and the future outcome of a break up are the things you should have in mind when considering ending a relationship. Writing out answers to some of the following questions may be a useful tool for determining if your relationship is at an end. Engaging in this activity may also help you to open a dialogue with the other person so you can repair the relationship.

Does my partner abuse me physically or mentally?

If the answer to this question is yes, leave the abusive relationship and get counseling immediately. Personal safety is not something that one should compromise for anyone.

Do I wish things could be worked out?

If you still have any sense that you would like to stay in the relationship, this may not be the time to end it. Seek out solutions instead. Even if things do not work out in the end, you will know that you really tried. This can make walking away less painful.

Do we take time to enjoy one another's company?

Many times a relationship begins to fail when a couple no longer spends time doing the things they enjoyed early in the relationship. Mortgages, kids, and careers can make a couple forget about movies, day trips, and sexual intimacy. If you have not made some time to be together, you should do so. Creating opportunities to remember why you liked each other in the first place can rekindle some of those dying embers into passionate flames.

Do we really communicate?

It is important for people to understand one another in order to communicate effectively. If either or both of you is nagging or tuning one another out, effective communication is not taking place. When a one or both members of a couple is not talking or listening effectively, it can do great harm to the trust in a relationship. If a couple wishes to create a healthy relationship, the parties need to learn to listen and speak to one another in a way that works. Sometimes counselors can help couples who have communication problems.

Do we still share common goals?

Many couples grow apart and develop different goals for their lives and the relationship. Some couples experience problems if they enter the relationship without discussing certain things because they did not see trouble coming. This does not have to be the undoing of a couple if the partners can communicate and compromise. Often goals about finances, careers, living situations, and relationship roles can be worked out.

Have I talked with my partner about the real problems in our relationship?

So often, people drift apart and forget how to identify and work on situations with communication and compromise. Instead of working towards resolutions for the real problems, couples fight about toilet seats and toothpaste caps out of frustration for unrelated and unresolved issues.

Are we able to forgive one another?

There is nothing more destructive to a relationship that holding a grudge. If you or your partner is unable to forgive one another for past transgressions, you will not be able to continue a relationship together.

Have we sought counseling to try to reconcile our differences?

If talking about your feelings only leads you to destructive arguing, seek out counseling from a professional who can coach you in the art of effective communication. A good counselor will help identify the underlying problems and offer solutions and exercises that will help you find resolution.