How to make a Relationship last

Over 50% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. That's a scary statistic, and it makes you even wonder why we go into relationships to begin with, doesn't it?

Well, don't get a fatalistic attitude just yet - you don't have to be in a bad relationship, and it doesn't have to end. With a little work, some luck, and a couple of good, compatible people, you can make a relationship last for long into the future.

Communication

I will say it again and again - the most important step to having a good, fulfilling relationship is real and true communication. Talking about anything and everything... the best couples are those that really talk in their day to day life.

Take time each night to spend with each other. It doesn't have to be long - a half an hour to an hour, at most - but the time should be there, and nothing else should be in the way. Not a TV, or a paper, or event he radio.

At a loss for what to talk about? Well, that's a good sign that you don't have enough communication in your relationship to begin with.

The easiest thing to talk about is our day - what happened, who we saw, and who we were with. It's the small things, and the big things, that make a relationship grow.

The Ability to Be Truthful

This is hard, especially for those that aren't used to it. A recent study done said that those who women are most attracted to early on in a relationship, the typical 'ladies man', who is easily adaptable and gives them what they want, is actually a worse long term partner.

The reason? Men who are used to social situations where they adapt, and give their companions what they want, are less likely to be open and honest about certain things. This is why it's so important - if you're not open, honest, and serious about your needs, what you like, what you dislike, and even the placement of the table in the living room, it's going to lead to unhappiness.

So instead of telling her what you think she wants to hear, tell her what she needs to hear. The truth. I'm not saying that you should tell her that you hate her mother - that's territory best not walked upon - but it when it comes to the normal things, stick to the truth. For your relationships sake.

"What You Did to Get her, Do To Keep Her"

Most men throw this out the window two months into a relationship - they start ignoring the little things that they used to do to make their gal smile. At first, she doesn't think much of it... but then, she sees you as something other than what she thought.

Not sure what I'm talking about?

Well, the first few times she came to your apartment, it was clean, right? So when you suggest moving in together, she loves it. And in the beginning, you kept things clean... but then, you stop paying so much attention, and the next thing you know, you left your dirty underwear on the couch, and she's out the door.

What you did to get her - flowers, candy, bath water - you need to do in order to keep her by your side.

Overall...

Work is the true key to making your relationship last. It's not like some game that you can pick up and put down - you need to pay attention to her, love her, and care about her always and forever. That's the real way to make a relationship last.

5 Ways to Start Off Your New Relationship on the Right Foot

So you've met a special someone and have started spending a lot of time together. You're realizing that this attraction and connection is turning into a love relationship. This is exciting news but perhaps a little scary as well. Past relationships may have left you feeling hurt and wary of love and commitment. Or it could be that the sparks you feel with this person are so wonderful you want to make the good feelings last. You don't want to mess up what's starting to look like a great relationship.

Our first recommendation to you if you identify with any of these sentiments, is to relax! If you are in a new relationship, what a fabulous gift to you and this person you are getting to know and opening your heart to. You can start developing habits that will enhance your connection and help start your new relationship off on the right foot.

Have you ever awakened in the morning feeling grumpy and that grumpiness just stays with you the entire day? Perhaps you even explained to a friend that you “got up on the wrong side of the bed.” Similarly, in a new relationship, for various reasons, habits may form in the assumptions you make and the ways you interact with each other. These habits can grow and develop into some huge walls between you and your mate.

No matter how short or long you think this relationship will last, pay attention and take steps that can lead toward connection and deeper love. You might think about it this way: Even if you‘re not with this person for the long-term, you probably will be in a love relationship with another person. Why not make each relationship as great as it can be and enjoy the experience or experiences?

Stay tuned in to yourself and your relationship and experiment with what works to bring you closer to your love. Here are some suggestions to get started....

1.) Be You -- the “Real” You
Unfortunately, insecurity and worries about what other people think can lead us to hide parts of ourselves or hold back on aspects we deem less appealing. This may seem to make attracting a date easier but, ultimately, it’s not going to serve you or this relationship that is forming. Allow yourself to be “real” despite worries that your partner will not approve or like what he or she sees. Chances are, he or she will be more accepting of your perceived faults than you are.

2.) Get Curious about Your Partner's “Real” Self
Now it’s your turn. When this new love lets it all hang out and you get a behind-the-scenes look at him or her, warts and all, stay open and curious. As much as we’d all like to look, act and be perfect, none of us are. In fact, many of our so-called imperfections are what make each of us unique and attractive to a partner. Remember that just as you aren’t defined by only one trait or aspect, so too is this other person complex and multi-faceted. What surprises can you find to appreciate about your new love?

3.) Practice Honesty
As you allow your partner to see the “real” you, you are being honest. Take that practice and expand it out. Instead of assuming that your love doesn’t really need to know about a phone call from your ex in efforts to avoid an argument, be open and communicate even what’s difficult to say. In all likelihood, your honesty now can lessen or even avoid misunderstanding and pain later on.

4.) Stay Present
Nobody knows with 100% certainty how long a relationship will last. Many factors can help determine whether this relationship will last a lifetime or be shorter in duration. Because of this, it is vital that you stay present. Don't worry about whether you will still feel butterflies in your stomach 5 months or even 5 years from now, celebrate that you have found someone who stirs such passion within you. Enjoy each moment of this relationship and allow your feelings in the now to guide the decisions you make.

5.) Have fun!
There tends to be a lightness and even frivolity to new love. An excited sense of discovery is usually alive and well at this point. As you move out of what you might call courtship and into a more committed relationship, keep having fun. You can be real with one another, communicate honestly and with integrity and be present in this moment AND still maintain a sense of fun.

Dating Advice: 15 First-Date Dos and Don'ts

1. DON'T get ahead of yourself.
It's OK to get excited before you go out with someone new, but stay realistic. As pessimistic as this sounds, if your expectations are low, then a good date will be a welcome surprise and a bad date will be no biggie.

2. DO be open to unexpected date ideas.
A homemade meal, PBR, and Guitar Hero might be a better way to get to know each other than the standard restaurant and a movie. Plus, are you really going to ask someone to take you out for filets and the theater in this economy?

3. DON'T go somewhere overflowing with eye candy.
A while ago I took a girl out to brunch at a restaurant that is always brimming with beautiful hipsters. Naturally, there was a Kate Hudson look-alike sitting behind my date, right in my line of vision -- maintaining eye contact with my date has never been more of a struggle.

4. DO bring dental supplies with you.
I once ordered a shredded beef burrito and there was a string of meat stuck in my teeth. I would've excused myself to the bathroom to fix it, but I hadn't brought my floss with me. So I sat there, not listening to him and going crazy. Now I bring mints, gum, spray, floss -- everything. Seriously.

5. DON'T question his height.
You question the 5'10" on his driver's license. Suspend your disbelief. Feel free to store it for something to make fun of later.

6. DO have a positive attitude.
I tried to plan a really neat first date -- something different. So I pick her up, and it's cold out, and the restaurant I was going to take her to is closed. We're in an abandoned area, and it's cold; I'm not looking so good right now. Finally we find a place to eat, except the menu is all in Korean. We point to something and what comes out tastes like rubber chicken. Then, when we get to the bowling alley, it seems like we're the only non-gang members there. But it was an amazing date because she was cool. Her positive attitude dictated how the date would go.

7. DON'T turn your dates into therapy sessions.
My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying boss, or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a second date, Isabel should've asked more questions and done more listening than talking.

8. DO order a big-girl meal.
Do you really think a puny salad will hold you over all night?

9. DON'T psychoanalyze your date.
A guy once got all Freud on me and asked me if I had trouble getting close to men because of my relationship with my father. Totally inappropriate, considering we'd just met.

10. DO call a friend for a pep talk.
If you're suffering from first-date jitters, ring a friend for a few words of encouragement before you meet the guy. Before my first dates, you'd always find me in a cab on the phone with my mom, with her telling me the guy would be crazy not to adore me. Even though she had to say that (she is my mom), a few positive words made me walk into my date with confidence.

11. DON'T get too personal.
One woman on our message boards reminisced about a guy who asked her how many kids she wanted. "I'm hoping for at least one little girl," he added. Sweet... yet a tad premature. Another woman wanted to know if it was normal that a guy asked her about her credit score and credit limit. Yeah, not normal.

12. DO discuss issues that are important to you.
Why wait to find out that the two of you don't see eye to eye on something you feel passionately about?

13. DON'T talk about your ex.
No good can come of this! You'll seem either bitter, heartless, or still hung-up -- and any one of these is a huge turnoff. t

14. DO break the dating rules.
If you want to call him, call -- he'll appreciate it. If you want to make the first move, do it -- why not!

15. DON'T let him take you to a second location if you don't like him.
Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar, and another, when really I just want to go home and read. It's better for both of you if you just speak up.

Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship

Breaking up is hard to do, and there are many questions to ask before ending a relationship. Put your emotions aside for a moment and consider the long term consequences of ending an important relationship. You will be more likely to be content with your choice if you know that you made a thoughtful and deliberate decision. Taking time to make a well thought out choice is always preferable to finding yourself regretting a rash decision made in the heat of the moment.

Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship

Questioning yourself, the situation, and the future outcome of a break up are the things you should have in mind when considering ending a relationship. Writing out answers to some of the following questions may be a useful tool for determining if your relationship is at an end. Engaging in this activity may also help you to open a dialogue with the other person so you can repair the relationship.

Does my partner abuse me physically or mentally?

If the answer to this question is yes, leave the abusive relationship and get counseling immediately. Personal safety is not something that one should compromise for anyone.

Do I wish things could be worked out?

If you still have any sense that you would like to stay in the relationship, this may not be the time to end it. Seek out solutions instead. Even if things do not work out in the end, you will know that you really tried. This can make walking away less painful.

Do we take time to enjoy one another's company?

Many times a relationship begins to fail when a couple no longer spends time doing the things they enjoyed early in the relationship. Mortgages, kids, and careers can make a couple forget about movies, day trips, and sexual intimacy. If you have not made some time to be together, you should do so. Creating opportunities to remember why you liked each other in the first place can rekindle some of those dying embers into passionate flames.

Do we really communicate?

It is important for people to understand one another in order to communicate effectively. If either or both of you is nagging or tuning one another out, effective communication is not taking place. When a one or both members of a couple is not talking or listening effectively, it can do great harm to the trust in a relationship. If a couple wishes to create a healthy relationship, the parties need to learn to listen and speak to one another in a way that works. Sometimes counselors can help couples who have communication problems.

Do we still share common goals?

Many couples grow apart and develop different goals for their lives and the relationship. Some couples experience problems if they enter the relationship without discussing certain things because they did not see trouble coming. This does not have to be the undoing of a couple if the partners can communicate and compromise. Often goals about finances, careers, living situations, and relationship roles can be worked out.

Have I talked with my partner about the real problems in our relationship?

So often, people drift apart and forget how to identify and work on situations with communication and compromise. Instead of working towards resolutions for the real problems, couples fight about toilet seats and toothpaste caps out of frustration for unrelated and unresolved issues.

Are we able to forgive one another?

There is nothing more destructive to a relationship that holding a grudge. If you or your partner is unable to forgive one another for past transgressions, you will not be able to continue a relationship together.

Have we sought counseling to try to reconcile our differences?

If talking about your feelings only leads you to destructive arguing, seek out counseling from a professional who can coach you in the art of effective communication. A good counselor will help identify the underlying problems and offer solutions and exercises that will help you find resolution.

Are you Ready For a Meaningful, Long Term Relationship ?

Have you ever known a relationship that didn’t have problems? It might have been one of yours or someone else’s, like a friend’s, that you watched from the sidelines. Even the best relationships have problems (even if you are unaware of them). They can be frustrating, cause a lot of tension, and if left unchecked can build to even bigger problems. So how do you handle problems in a relationship?

I had some friends who seemed to be the perfect couple. They were always smiling and laughing and seemed to be a great match. I didn’t find out until years later that they were in counseling to save their marriage. So anyone can have problems. This is the first thing that you need to accept. The troubles may come from a number of things such as problems at work, financial, commitment, and even deeper, personal problems. No one is perfect. Once you accept this, you can start to figure out how to fix a problem in a relationship.

Nature Of Relationship Problems

So what kind of problems are you having in a relationship? This is important in figuring out how to handle them. For instance, are the two of you arguing a lot? Are you spending too much time apart? Is he not talking to you or not showing much affection? Does he want to go out with his friends a couple of nights a week? These are all common problems that, with enough dedication and the right solution, you can work them out. However, if the nature of the problem is more serious, such as physical violence or infidelity, that is a whole different ballgame and one that you need to seriously consider if it is worth sticking around to fix. Violence and infidelity are two things that can cause irrepairable damage to a relationship. These types of problems are difficult to overcome and if they happen once they will likely happen again. These types of problems, however, should be discussed in another article.

What Is The Cause Of Relationship Problems

Handling a problem in a relationship is tricky. However, every problem in a relationship has a cause. You just have to find it. First thing you should do is to try to analyze yourself. This will include your role and your actions in the relationship. How do you treat the other person? Are you respectful to them? Do you give them positive attention or do you boss them around? The cause of the problems could be something that you are doing. On the other hand, it may be something that the other person is doing to cause the issues.

There are other common causes to relationship problems. These include things like finances, jealousy, peer influence, disapproval of parents and in-laws, personal habits, and a dozen other things. Whatever the cause may be, it is important for the future of your relationship to identify it.

Talk It Over

Hopefully you can figure out the source of your relationship problems. But even if you do not, you can still try to solve the problem. The first thing you should do (and it is probably the best thing to do) is to talk about the problem with your significant other. Tell them what is bothering you about the relationship. This gives you the chance to express and communicate that you are not happy with the situation in the relationship. But don’t just be centered on yourself. A relationship’s problems cannot be fixed from just one side. Ask your partner what about the relationship may be bothering them or what they are unhappy with. If you do not communicate, then you will never be able to handle problems in a relationship.

Seek Counseling

Sometimes talking with one another is not enough. Your opinions may be too strong and neither of you will concede or compromise. If this happens, you may need the advice of a counselor. A counselor provides a neutral, unbiased opinion of what they see as the problem (or problems) with your relationship. As a professional, they are skilled as getting to the root of the problem and giving advice on what the two of you can do to save your relationship.

Counseling only works if both parties are willing to take it seriously. If one of you does not wish to see a counselor or only does so grudgingly to make the other happy, then the professional advice is not likely to work.

Get Some Advice From True Friends

No one knows you better than your friends. Often friends are standing aside and watching as problems develop. Like a counselor, friends can sometimes give you advice from a different perspective. This may be harder if your friends are close to both you and your partner. They may feel reluctant to be honest in their opinions because they do not want to cause any more rifts in your relationship. The reverse is also true for friends who are loyal only to you and who may hold some sort of grudge against your partner. They may be just as likely to give you negative advice that is not helpful. So be careful before asking advice from friends. Even though they may give you advice on what they think you should do to handle relationship problems, it may not be the right advice for you.

How To Keep From Having Relationship Problems

The best way to handle problems in a relationship is to curb any problems before they occur. How can you do this? By keeping an open communication between you and your partner. If something bothers you, don’t let it go in the hopes that things will get better over time. You should always voice your concerns at the time that the happen. By letting things go, the problems could continue or get worse. You partner may be unaware that there are problems. By communicating, both of you will always know what the other is feeling.

The other way to keep from having problems is to make sure that you devote enough time to a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you should become obsessive. Everyone needs space, even in a good relationship. But if you or your partner is not devoting enough time together, then problems will arise. Spend quality time together, do things that you both will enjoy, and every once in awhile do something special just for your partner. So if problems should arise, don’t give any reason for problems to continue.

Emotional Dependency - Men Love

Sponsor: RelationshipHeadquarters.com

Whenever you hear the word “dependency,” most of us think in terms of some form of addiction or disease. It tends to imply something that should be avoided, fixed, or terminated. Most individuals with dependencies are those with addictive personalities, and thus rely on others to meet their needs and fulfill their responsibilities. Not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with, or aspire to become.


What if I told you that making a man emotionally dependent on you was a good thing? In fact, what if.... click here to read more